Baring It All

 

This year has been a difficult year for us mentally and emotionally. We needed to shake things up!

After David's last shift dancing it's been a steady decline for him as he tries to cope with his new position which is, unfortunately, not dancing. The change in positions as well as pay has caused a noticeable decrease in income, which has caused us to take on a more stagnant lifestyle as staying home is usually the only thing we can afford.

We've been coasting on a low as of late and needed a change. I wanted to really shake things up and visit a nudist resort. Turns out we have one right in our back yard. Visiting a nudist anything has been high on my bucket list for the longest time. I have a lot of insecurity and shame about my body, but my brain knows that this is something I should not have. It's just a body. Love handles, gut, moobies–they don't matter. What matters most is just feeling love to yourself.

David actually agreed to give it a shot with me. Originally we wanted to do a nude beach, but since this is Florida and the idea of swimming butt naked in an ocean of things that want to eat or maim you, we decided a resort would be better. 

So Sunday we hopped in the car, stopped at Walmart for some towels and sunblock and then visited Cypress Cove.

Full disclosure, right off the bat I felt bad as it was both of our first times. Cypress Cove has a rule about single men who have no experience requiring a call ahead, but I figured since we were married it wouldn't have been an issue. I understand and respect the need for the rule of course, but I know our intentions weren't to go a gawk and harass anyone so unfortunately we did have to say we had experience to get in. We got in, registered, and then took the tour.

Cypress Cove does not warm you up, which I love. Driving in I was already seeing naked people walking on the sidewalk, crossing the road, driving their NEV's like it was natural. Haha, pun intended. I loved it, it made me immediately feel comfortable. 

After the tour we went to the pool. I had a plan and I was going to execute it flawlessly.

I didn't want to create any comfort zones for myself. You know, like little bubbles of safety I cling too. I wanted to thrust myself into this world so I can say with security that I got the actual nudist experience. So I picked a sun lounger that was not isolated from people, set my backpack down and stripped off my clothes before I could give my brain time to rethink what was doing. It worked! 

Somehow the idea of taking my clothes off did not feel as foreign as I thought it would. I did have to immediately sit down as my body was having reactions that I'd prefer not to have on display. I let myself cool down and then dropped the towel once again to head to the pool.

The goal: a smooth entrance into the pool without causing any undue attention. The outcome: I started to fluff up again, hurried my pace, caught my foot on the pool ladder and went down with a loud splash. My life.

David of course didn't look the slightest bit out of place. He said he was screaming internally but his poker face was on point. We lingered in the pool for a bit talking. It was magical. FYI, if you've never been skinny dipping you're missing out. There is nothing better than the feeling of water moving around your body uninterrupted. It's weird how different swim trunks can make the feeling, but the difference is noticeable. 

Any chance I got all throughout the day I was aiming my front half towards the sun. I know this sounds crazy and stupid and corny, but I felt in order for me to be satisfied with the experience I'd need a sunburn on my penis. That would have been the inexcusable proof to myself that I had nude'd out. 

Eventually we had to get out so I could pee. This time I was careful and diligent in maneuvering around the ladder. I climbed up the ladder, walked to the sun lounger and grabbed my lighter and a cigarette so I could have a smoke. I was doing so well until I got to the smoking area. Then I felt exposed. Funny enough, I was comfortable enough with it considering the environment, but I think the fact that the smoking area was right in front of a house with a window made the anxiety erection return. What if whoever lives there looks out of the window? As if they weren't used to seeing naked people living in a nude resort. 

We decided it was time to eat. This was next on my list. The idea of sitting at a restaurant, ordering food, and eating butt naked sounded too fucking crazy to pass up. Talk about outside my comfort zone. I don't even like eating shirtless at home because I become hyper-aware of my expanding belly. 

The food was amazing! I got a cheeseburger and David got calamari. They make the calamari by hand and David definitely seemed impressed by it. The bartender (we sat at the bar) was amazing and sweet. David was doing so well with walking around naked but for some reason was regressing in the restaurant so I had him walk over to the other side of the room without his towel as a dare, to get me ketchup. There was no ketchup there, but I had to give him an objective. 

After lunch we went back into the pool and waded some more. By now in the day the sun went from a warm hug to a violent mugging. I could feel my skin turning red. We were debating on leaving or walking around as the lady who toured us around said they had a nature trail, but given the time and the state of my skin I figured it was best time to leave. 

On the way out we saw a grandma bringing in her preteen grandson to go swimming. They stripped down and went in the pool. We saw a family of four sitting in the restaurant of a Mom, Dad, and their two sons eating their lunch in the buff. It was absolutely beautiful. There were plenty of older retired looking people, but quite a few people our age and younger there. 

We drove home absolutely elated and almost at a loss for words. I think neither of us thought we'd follow through with this. I know I feared I'd chicken out. I think my biggest fear going into this was that I would get constant erections, and unfortunately I did. Though it wasn't arousal at all, just anxiety I think. However every chance to drop my towel I could get (once flaccid) I would take it. 

The experience of walking around in your skin is actually not as scary as you'd think. It's like a rollercoaster. Getting on the coaster is the scariest part, riding it is easy. Walking around butt naked was honestly not difficult and felt so freeing and natural. Seeing so many body's was an experience. I saw so many beautiful bodies, and not in the conventional way. There were stretch marks, scars, micropenises, moobies like mine, fat and chunk, body hair etc. But they were all beautiful because they were there, unapologetically themselves. 

It's such a weird takeaway from the experience. I'm happy that it's been far more profound for me than I could have anticipated and both David and I look forward to our next trip. Has this opened a new lifestyle for us? Maybe? Maybe not. It has though forced us to see ourselves as just people and taught us the power of shedding off all of the shit that doesn't matter, including our clothes, and just embracing existence. 

It's weird how much stigma society puts on us from the day we're born. There are so many messages that we experience on a day-to-day basis both subtle and overt that tell us how we're not enough, and that we'd be enough if we had [INSERT SUPERFICIAL OR MATERIALISTIC PROPERTY HERE]. What an experience it was to just step out of that and have to convince ourselves so we can overcome the fear in the moment that we in fact were enough.

If you've never been to a nude beach or nude resort I highly recommend it. It's far more than just being naked and it's not a sexploration activity either. It's just a freeing experience that will make you appreciate how wonderful your body and being actually are... if you can get over the fear of taking it all off of course.